We, women, are so hard on ourselves. We are also so hard on others. In this day and age of wireless internet, I decided to hook a sister up with a few pointers. I’m only telling you this because these are all things I am working on as well, but letsbehonest, it’s hard. There’s hope. Every avalanche starts with a snowball, unless it started with an aftershock of an earthquake. But, in most instances, it’s a snowball. What I am trying to say is, change doesn’t happen overnight, but it starts with small initiatives that become habit. I’ll be 30 years old in 610 days, so I need to get to it. So, here we go.
1) Stop hating on yourself and others. Do you always wanna be a hater? Yeah, maybe she just posted a picture of her chiseled 12-pack on Instagram with #girlswholift and got 87 likes. Who cares? Are you really going to throw a pity party and not like her photo. Wow, payback! Feel better? Too many questions, I know. Also, stop hating on yourself. Especially, in front of others. You post a selfie in return with #prettierwithmakeup. Now, you’re just fishing for compliments, and no one is really taking that bait. It just makes your followers uncomfortable.
2) Stop being petty. Some of my friends know this about me, but here’s the story. A guy I once dated also dated another girl prior to me. I don’t like her. The end. How does this make sense? I don’t like her because she dated my ex-boyfriend. If this says anything, I should like her, since we probably have more in common with each other than we do him. Whatever. Women are petty, just stop.
3) Stop hating your job. You’re not 15 years-old at your first job that your parents forced to get to pay for a speeding ticket or because you need to learn responsibilities. You’re an adult. If you hate your job find another one. You are annoying EVERYONE you work with complaining about your job or calling in sick once a week. No one feels sorry for you. They feel sorry for themselves when they are trapped alone with you. If you can’t find a way to quit, screw up as much as you can so your boss will fire you. Because believe it or not, your boss knows you hate your job, too. They just don’t have enough in writing to let you go.
4) Stop responding to all phone calls with text messages. You were born in the 80s. We all know your parents owned a landline for some portion of your existence. I bet they even taught you how to properly answer the phone when you were old enough. You seemed excited to talk on the phone then. Pick up the phone and return a call.
5) Speaking of phones. Change your voicemail to something other than, “Thank you for calling Movie Phone, just kidding this is so-and-so.” Are you joking? First off, no one believes they actually called Movie Phone. Secondly, no one calls to ask about movies anymore, they go online and look up listings. So, at the end of the day, your voicemail is outdated. Even without the explanation, change it to something more suitable, such as your name and probably your phone number.
6) Stop talking about your significant other (or lack of one) in EVERY. SINGLE. CONVERSATION. If you’re like me, you probably have an assortment of friends that are either married, engaged, divorced, single, widowed – the list goes on. If you’re like me, most of your taken and maybe single friends have had this “status” for awhile. If they are your friends, they know your love life, no need to remind them every time you’re together. I don’t want my conversation about how I updated my light bulbs to energy efficient bulbs turning into how your bae never lets you touch light bulbs anymore or I wish I had someone to change all my light bulbs, instead I am ALLLLLL alone (in the dark), or I had lots of light bulbs until I packed all my stuff and left that piece of crap and all the bulbs. Really? We’ve digressed, ladies.
7) Stop flaking on plans. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you can’t do it, don’t say you will. Simple. We all know a friend (or maybe you are the ‘friend’) that ALWAYS flakes on plans. You’ve got the flakage countdown calculated to the exact second. 41 minutes and 17 seconds before said plans, flaky friend is calling or texting they won’t be able to make it. Just say “yes” or “no” and mean it.
8) Stop swearing excessively. I’m running out of examples. Enough said.
9) Stop showing up to potlucks or BYOBs empty handed. One time is excusable, maybe. But, if this is always you, no one believes you just came from the gym or that you were running late from work. Plan ahead. There’s that.
10) Stop giving your opinion on everything. It’s an opinion, we all get it. Every heard the sayings, “jack of all trades, master of none” or “wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.” Your opinion about everything is a mixture of these two sayings. Everyone, except you (of course), knows you don’t know what you’re talking about, but sometimes the stupidity brewing in your vocal chords is so humorous, no one asks you to stop. Until today.